Martin Porter

Hello everybody.

For all of you that do not know me, I am martin and alongside Joshua, I am the best man.

When Phil asked me to be best man, he stated that he did not want me to do a best mans speech, in fear of what might have been said. So, i am really sorry…………Phil, there is no way we could let this opportunistic moment pass us by.

First of all I must say how stunning the bride looks. I think you would all agree.

Secondly, I would like to complement the bridesmaids. I think you would agree that they look stunning. You ushers scrub up ok also!

Phil and myself are extremely lucky to have many close friends and family so I was horrored, sorry honoured to be asked by Phil to be best man.

So, about the speech. just like Phil, this speech is going to be short and basically not very funny.

When I started to prepare for this speech, I thought that it would be best to refrain from mentioning any previous girlfriends or encounters. Sadly this cut the speech down by about 2 to 3 seconds.

on a serious note, my parents always taught me that if I had nothing good to say about someone, I should just sit down and be quiet. SIT DOWN

So being best man! I did not really understand the importance of being someone's best man, but then it came to me, it would be my duty to make the next  5 minute the most uncomfortable Phil was to endure. Now Donna, don’t laugh, But you also will be experiencing  5 uncomfortable minutes from Phil when your back to your hotel tonight.

Some of you may be aware, Phil has been on a diet specifically for this day. He wasn’t doing too great so I introduced him to the vodka diet. In the last 2 weeks he has lost 3 days!

So about the wedding! I carried out some research on the interweb regarding the best mans role and also weddings in general. What I came across was 3 key elements for the wedding service itself. No.1, the aisle-it’s the longest walk you will ever take. No.2,the alter-the place where 2 become 1. no.3, the hymn-the celebration of marriage. now donna, I think you must have carried out the same research as I did because when you walked past me, I am sure I heard you whispering, aisle alter hymn.

Phil. Some advice for you. When you are wrong, admit it. When you are right, shut up.

They say there are 3 rings when it comes to weddings. The engagement ring, the wedding ring and then the murdering.

Now for some audience participation…….. I would like all of the husbands and wives to stare deeply into each other eyes………….statistically, you are staring at the person most likely to murder you!!!

I have recently discovered that most marriage break ups are due to the husband thinking too much. Donna, it looks like you are ok  here.

When I spoke to Phil about a honey moon, he said that someone has very kindly sorted a surprise out  for after the wedding. Now I believe Phil thinks this will be in Wales somewhere as he quoted 'I'm going to Bangor for a week'

Now through Phil, I have known Donna for a while now and what I have worked out is that she does like simple things which is ideal.

Most of you are aware, Phil has a passion for food. A few years back, he went to New York for a couple of days with 2 of the lads. Now normally people use maps or even a satnav to navigate their way around. No, not phil. He used restaurants. Now this love of food knows no bounds ok. Phil is the kind of guys that when he gets asked at pizza hut if he wants his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces, he would say 4 as he couldn’t possibly eat 8.

Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see by the pictures that Phil was quite a handsome baby, so much so that when he was born, the midwife had to be restrained from slapping his parents.

I must say that Phil is an amazing guy, he is thoughtful, hardworking, thoughtful…. Phil can you help me out, I cannot read your writing.

As some of you are aware, I work quite a lot with Phil at the moment and I know that he spends most of the day thinking about you Donna. I know this because when he hammers in nails and saws wood, he mumbles your name

When Phil asked me to be best man, I asked if he was going to do a speech.

He said to me that he could not bring himself to do one as he would get too emotional as he would not able to share this experience with his late dad, Clive.

I can understand that Phil but what I will say is take a look at you now. you have joshua, chloe, ellie, evie and now donna. I know one thing for sure mate, your dad would be extremely proud as we all are.

Donna and Phil. May the best of your yesterdays be the worst of your tomorrows.

So ladies and gentlemen, wishing them all the health, wealth and happiness in the world, I would like you to all join me in toasting the happy couple the bride and groom.