Career and Sports Jokes

In the best man speech when talking about the groom and his background so here's a few Best Man speech jokes and one liners about their career and for the sport lovers.

• (Groom)'s drinking team has a football problem.

• Marriage is like a game of football when you are around the box always try to score. With skill and stamina, you can last the distance. However, a dirty tackle will usually get you sent off for an early bath. Playing away from home will end up with a serious groin injury.

• (Groom) plays for (Team) their so bad that they celebrate a throw in, you should see them when they get a corner.

• (Groom) says the great thing about being self employed is that you get to make all the big decisions. For example, will you work fourteen hours a day or just twelve? Will you put in seven days this week or just six? Should you have a heart attack or just collapse from exhaustion?

• I cannot believe (Groom) has thrown a big party like this just because (Team) won the league. This time next year they might win the Champions League, we could disguise that party as a Christening.

• (Groom) loves rugby especially the scrum, that is until recently, now it’s not only the sport that has odd shaped balls.

• ( Groom ) plays for ( Team ) they never win ,he says its the taking part, but If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?

• For those that don’t know, (Groom) run’s a non profit making organisation. It doesn’t mean to be, but that’s the way it’s been since (Groom) took over.

•  Some of you may know (Groom) is a (Sports Team) supporter. When he first moved out of his parent’s house, he bought Sky Sports hoping to see their best games. Problem is they are only shown on the History Channel.

• (Groom) was probably first drawn to the idea of being self-employed when he realised no-one else on the planet would employ him.

• I’ve noticed something strange (Groom) since he started working in the IT department. He now refers to using the toilet as downloading.

• (Groom), the computer buff that he is, does not spend a whole lot of time outside. Because of this, his skin is incredibly pale. In fact, recently i invited (Groom) and (Bride) over to dinner, and my dog went running in fear as they thought that (Bride) had a ghost following her.

• (Groom)’s always saying how he can’t believe anyone would pay him to play with computers. Funny that(his company) said they can’t believe they pay him either.

• (Groom) is a keen sportsman and plays football for a local team. What position he plays depends on how good a turnout they get. If everyone shows up he plays left back or right back, that’s left back in the changing rooms or right back behind the goal. He can also play left wing or right wing depending on what side they need a linesman.

• I think it is only fair that I warn (Bride) that there are already four loves in (Groom)’s life: football, computers, xbox and …football. Still [turn to bride], making the top five isn't bad.

• (Groom) told me he never wears safety Headwear when his working.......... That explains his good looks.

• According to his captain, (Groom) as a Goalkeeper was absolutely hopeless and the only thing he caught all season was a cold.

• I first met (Groom) through playing Rugby, although we have found him to be useless in pretty much every position – I hope (Bride) does'nt have the same problem later.

• (Groom) says he loves football and he’s a Chelsea supporter. I’ve never understood the connection.

• I’ve played golf with (Groom) on many occasions and never seen him once lose a ball… as he does'nt hit it that far, infact he struggles to hit it full stop.

• (Groom)’s ambition was to work on a radio station, and at one time he was working on three different stations – one railway and two petrol.

• You all know that (Groom) is a (insert job title). When he tells a customer that he’ll be there at Ten it’s more likely that he’ll turn up at twelve. So earlier, when (Groom) gave us that speech, I was mighty impressed that he finished it on the same day he started it.

• (Bride), when you took (Groom)’s hand in marriage today, I hope you remembered to keep the receipt.

• (Groom) and I have been playing football together ever since we were schoolboys. And ok, so he’s not got the greatest first touch, he can’t head or pass, and he can't shoot, but he’s a good defender….or at least he would be if he could tackle properly!

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