All newly wed couples need a little bit of advice so send them on their way to married bliss with some sensible and not so sensible words of wisdom for your best man speeches.
(Groom), you will be given loads of advice from
the married men here today, so let me give you mine; Always remember that it's very important to get along with your Mother in Law. I didn’t speak to mine for the first two years of my
marriage. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her - I was just too polite to interrupt.
These are some words of wisdom for the
Bride and Groom.
Firstly ( Groom ) I'd like to share with you the
1. FINE .....She thinks she's right but you
might have a good argument this means that you should shut up. YOU should never use the word fine especially about how she looks.
2. FIVE MINUTES ...... This means half an hour
very similar to the five minutes we use when a football match is on and she wants to go shopping. So fairs fair.
3. NOTHING .......... if she says NOTHINGS up
something's up you should be on your toes. NOTHING usually signifies an argument that will last "FIVE MINUTES" and will end with the word "FINE"
4. GO AHEAD ...... Under no circumstances go
ahead... it's a dare if you go ahead you're in for an argument about "NOTHING" that really means something that will last "FIVE MINUTES" and you won't be FINE .
5. DONT WORRY ABOUT IT now be aware that this is
a dangerous statement. This means it's something that she's asked you to do several times but is now doing it herself. This will later result in you asking What's wrong and the wife's
response will be "nothing" I'm FINE.
Is that clear !
Married life can be confusing, in the first
year, the Bride speaks and the Groom listens, in the second year the Groom speaks and the Bride listens, and in the third year they both speak and the neighbours listen.
My Wife Says that I Never Listen or Something
The best way to remember your anniversary .....
is to forget it the once.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by
Now I'd like all the husbands and wives here to
stare deeply into each other's eyes .................... statistically you are staring at the person most likely to murder you !
Statistics also say that married men live longer
than single men this is not true It only seems longer.
I have recently discovered that most marriage
break ups are down to the Husband thinking too much....... looks like we wont have a problem there then.
A successful marriage requires falling in love
many times, always with the same person.
Wisdom can come from many places, but commitment
must come from within.
Stay in love, Stay married, Stay hopeful and
Stay together ........................ because divorce costs too much.
Marriage does'nt mean you own the other
person............................... just all their stuff.
Never say goodnight or goodbye angry. Always ask
yourself would you rather be right or would you rather be happy ?
I love being married. I was single for a long
time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.
Some of you may know (Bride) loves her cats now
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be
left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
Husband and Wife - Fun was had in bed
Love and Marriage - Drama again, love
Honeymoon - Money? oh no
A happy marriage is a long conversation which
always seems too short.
3 Rings make a marriage: Engagement Ring,
Wedding Ring and Murdering if you dont behave.
Its not how life starts, or how it ends.its what
happens in between that matters.
Never forget to say those three magical words to
her ...... Your right dear.
Marry Miss Right but make sure her first name
Marriages are made in heaven. Then again so is
thunder and lightning oh and tornado's.