I was with (Bride) the night she met (Groom) and she said that “he was handsome from afar”, I think she now
realizes that he is actually far from handsome.
(Groom) is known to keep a Keen eye on his bank balance, so I must warn him, my wife’s credit cards were
recently stolen, but I decided against reporting it to the police as the thieves were spending less than she was.
I’m a married man and I have often heard the phrase that, marriage is a 50/50 situation, whoever came-up
that phrase obviously knows little about marriage or is poor at fractions.
(Groom) asked me if I thought marriage was like a lottery, I quickly told him not to be so ridiculous, with
the lottery you at least have a slight chance.
I just got a note from the bride and groom thanking me for the wedding present I sent. They said it was just
what they wanted and they’d use them every time they entertained guests. I’m a bit worried though. I gave them a Duvet Set.
I thought the moment the vicar said, ‘You may now kiss the bride.’ was wonderful....(pause)..... but
i'm sure i heard her say ‘Not now. I’ve got a headache.’
(Groom) says his future wife dresses to kill. Problem is She cooks the same way.
(Groom) tonight is your wedding night, one tip if your tired or drunk and you think sex is a pain in
the ass ..... your doing it wrong.
Once a man is married it doesn't matter how often he changes his job, he still ends up with the same
The bride and groom are about to begin their new life together and will go back to their marital home. Now I
think the place looks quite nice but (Groom) was only the other day referring to some DIY project he was about to start saying him and (Bride) will be banging and screwing at every
I would like to wish the happy couple the very best as they embark on their honeymoon ... but I am a little
confused by one thing? (Brides name) said they are going to (location) on honeymoon but (Groom) said he was going to Bangor for the week.
During my research on the internet into best mans role I also looked into weddings in general, I looked at
the three key elements of the wedding service itself: -
The Aisle - it’s the longest walk you’ll ever take
The Alter - the place where two become one
The Hymn - the celebration of marriage
I think ( Bride ) must have done the same research as I did, because as she was walking past me, I am
sure I heard her whispering to herself, Aisle…altar…hymn, I’ll alter him.
Being asked to be best man is very much like being asked to Kiss the queen it is an honour, but you do not,
want to do it.
When we were children (Groom) used to beat me in all the games we played, steal my sweets and push me around
now finally after 18 years his admitted i'm the Best Man.
(Groom) I must say that you are a very lucky man today you have married ( Bride ) she is beautiful, loyal
and intelligent so she deserves a good husband its great you married her before she found one.
(Bride) i really hope this has been the most amazing day in your life.......... because tonight will be the
most awkward 10 seconds when you get back to your room.
This has truly been a day to remember! The day (Groom) bought a round of drinks.
Earlier i heard a little boy asking his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” the Father
replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
( Groom ) asked me for advice about his speech before i could answer ( say someone which would joke with the
groom ) said to him better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
You're wedding night is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good
I must say (Bride) looks stunning today, (Groom) you look .............Stunned.
Today is a sad day for many single men as now another beautiful woman leaves the available list and ladies
today has passed by without so much as a ripple.
In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen, let us have a few moments silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns and 200
chickens and cows who selflessly gave their lives to make this dinner possible.